


Conversations of the Ship

by benevolentmonolithicc



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/F, Fluff, Gen, Junoverse | Juno Steel Universe, Nonbinary Juno Steel, Other, Pre-Episode: e0309 Juno Steel and the Shadows on the Ship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:00:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24216316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/benevolentmonolithicc/pseuds/benevolentmonolithicc
Summary: Oh, to be a fly on the wall in the Carte Blanche. This is as close as you'll get.
Relationships: Buddy Aurinko & Aurinko Crime Family, Buddy Aurinko & Juno Steel, Buddy Aurinko & Peter Nureyev & Rita & Jet Sikuliaq & Juno Steel & Vespa, Buddy Aurinko/Vespa, Juno Steel & Vespa (Penumbra Podcast), Peter Nureyev & Rita, Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel, Rita & Jet Sikuliaq
Comments: 6
Kudos: 75





	1. Rita and Jet

Rita?

Yes, Mista Jet?

Can I spend the night here again?

Are Mista Steel and Mista Random doing their poetry again?

Among other things, yes.

How loud are they this time?

I would prefer not to think about it.

Yeah, but on a scale of one to ten-

Seven.

That was fast. You didn't even have to think I mean are you sure?

Seven is their volume. Can we watch something?

Of course! Oh! Do you want to watch a stream based on your life and say everything that's wrong with it?

Would that be enjoyable for you?

Well I was watching this program, _The Taking of the Grandest Rock_ , and Miss Vespa came in, and apparently it was based on her and Miss Buddy's life and she spent the whole time talking about how wrong it was.

Was that enjoyable?

It was like a directors commentary but I didn't have to hack into anything to hear it or nothing!

What do you want to watch?

I was thinking _Just Dragons_.

Is that the story about just dragons and nothing else?

Yeah! You remembered! I'm so proud of you Mista Jet!

Thank you. Though I don't know how much it will be like anything I have lived.

Oh, hush you, I'm turning it on.

...

...

...

...

Already I can see the first problem. It is all dragons.

Well of course! Sometimes you've got to spice of real life will really cool things. Like dragons! And pirates! And dragon pirates!

Are there dragon pirates in this story?

Well of course there are dragon pirates in this story! Why do you think they're dressed like that?

I do not know the cultural garb of dragons.

Oh, if dragons had a cultural garb you know it'd be some sort sort of ancient thing, you know? Like jnco jeans, trucker hats, or those clothes with all those retro rings on it.

Hm. I see your point.

...

...

...

...

Rita?

Hm?

I do not see how any of this is supposed to be my life.

Really? It's basically a memoir of you, if you and everyone you've ever known was a dragon pirate.

I do not follow.

So you're the purple one right-

But I am not a dragon. Nor am a purple.

It's not literal Mista Jet, it's like an allegory or something. A metaphor?

A simile.

Yeah that's it. You're the purple one, all big and gigantic.

I am quite big.

He's all over the place in the beginning, a lone pirate who does what he wants and takes no prisoners!

I suppose.

But then he doesn't want to be alone anymore. He's tired of taking no prisoners and he wants a crew. So he meets up with the red dragon and the green dragon and they introduce him to the blue and pink dragons, and then the gold dragon, and he changes! He's not alone anymore, and he's loyal and brave and kind and then the credits roll.

Rita I think you've told me the plot whole stream. 

Did I? Again? Rats! Franny told me not to anymore, and I told her Franny, I've got it, I can stop myself but-

It is all right. It sounds like a wonderful stream.

It is.

...

...

Which dragon do you think you are?

The gold dragon obviously.

Are you sure?

Of course! That the coolest, prettiest one.

Hm. I am not sure that you are correct, but I am not very good with similes.

That's okay Mista Jet, I'm not to great with them neither. It only realized that _Just Dragons_ was about you after watching it 236 times. And I'm an accomplished stream watcher too.

Do you want to watch another stream?

Yeah! There's this show that I've got to introduce you to - it's called _Conspiracy Files_.

Is it also a simile?

No, it's all about these government cover ups that even I didn't know about. Well until I watched. Now I know just about everything. They're all two parters, but the second half is boring so we can just skip it. 

That sounds...enjoyable.

It is! I'll load it up right now, just you wait Mista Jet, you'll never be the same again!


	2. Juno and Vespa

Guard duty? Again?

Shut it, Steel.

Oh don't pretend you're just fine with this. What's it now, the third time in a row that we've been assigned to babysit the ship?

Fourth.

See! It's getting to you too!

 _You're_ getting to me.

And I'd be fine with it if maybe I was paired with someone else-

Steel! Complaining isn't going to do anything about it. They're off restocking and so we're going to stay here and guard the ship.

From what? Aliens? We're in the middle of nowhere! I don't even know how we found a restock station in the middle of the void!

Does it matter?

No, I...I guess not.

...

...

...

...

...

So...

No.

What? I didn't even say anything.

Whatever it was the answer is no.

We've got to kill time somehow.

And we can kill time by guarding the ship.

Nothing's going to happen, Vespa.

So what do you suggest we do then, eh?

Well, Ransom's been teaching me these card games-

Among other things.

Will you shut it? He's been teaching me these card games and I've finally managed to learn how to play the one I've been trying to learn since the last time we saw each other.

What is it?

Have you by any chance heard of a game called Rangian Street Poker?

Steel.

Yes?

I created that game.

So you can play?

Do you have enough decks?

I don't but I know Ransom does somewhere. If you give me a minute I'll be back with them.

Be fast. Don’t take your time in there getting all sentimental.

...

...

...

...

Got 'em!

Can you deal them?

I think it would be best if you just did it.

Fine.

...

...

...

What's the punishment for lying?

What? I mean I think we can trust each other-

What's the punishment for lying?

Fine. Um...what about liars have to...admit to Buddy that we we're bonding.

We're not bonding. If anything we've never been more at each other's throats.

Are you done?

Give me a minute, Steel, there are a lot of decks here! There. What's your ask?

How many people have you killed?

Right. Do you know who's been taking the whipped cream?

Play.

...

...

...

...

And that's game! Read 'em and weep, Steel!

Goddammit! Fine. It's Jet and Rita, they're amassing it and I'm too afraid to ask what for.

I knew it! Your secretary is a bad influence, Steel.

She is not!

He's hoarding whipped cream, Steel, he wasn't doing that before!

Whatever, it's your ask.

What happened to your eye?

How did you and Buddy meet?

Play.

Really?

It's an adorable story, Steel, and not one that you're likely to hear because that's...game!

Already? Let me see your hand.

...

Godammit! It exploded.

Exploded?

Yeah. What, never heard of a lady who's eye exploded before?

No, I just assumed you'd lost it gambling or something. A run in with a loan shark maybe.

Hyperion loan sharks are more into taking people's fingers than eyes, and I'd never met one who was willing to waste dime on me.

It's your ask, drama queen.

Why is your hair green?

How'd you get that scar on your nose?

Play.

...

Really intrigued about my scars, eh?

I'm a doctor, it's my job to care. And you have a lot them.

That's what happens when you're a PI or cop or kid who just wouldn't shut up.

I'm so glad you've learned from your past.

Game.

What?

Queen of Cups on a loaf of rye, now pay up!

Ugh. Fine. Chlorine.

What?

When I was young I went into a pool. My hair turned green because it was an old pool, one of those ancient Earth inspired ones, and I liked it. When the color faded I decided to dye it.

That's...hm.

Problem, Steel?

No, it's just I was hoping for more, I think.

What, that it's the only way that I can think for a gang that I'd wronged in my past to not be able to detect me or something?

I mean kinda.

Maybe that's the reason.

Is it?

No. That would be lying. I refuse to admit we've bonded in any way to Buddy.

That's probably why she's got us on guard duty.

It definitely is.

She can never know.

We should probably clean this up before she comes back now that you mention it.

...

...

...

But just one more hand?

Agreed.

It's your ask.

Hm. I'm thinking, what's the most ridiculous lie you've told that's gotten you out of trouble?

That's a good one. I'll counter with...how did you meet Buddy?

You really want that story, don't you?

Pass or play, Ilkay?

Play.

...

...

...

...

Game!

What? Dammit. I am not good at this game.

No you are not Steel, now pay up.

Fine. It was when I was still on the force. My partner and I'd been stuck on this case for months, this really gruesome murder by the Valles, and we had no leads in sight. So I'm going around the Valles fro the millionth time and this time I see the murder weapon just sitting on a bookshelf through someone's window. The things just covered in dried blood too, so it's not just a lookalike. I've got to get that weapon because it could be the thing I need to finally solve this stupid case, so since I was young and dumb back then-

Back then?

Shut up. Since I was young and dumb back then I just went for it. Dove straight through the window of this house and lunged right at the weapon on the far side of the room. But what I didn't count on was there was a cleaner there just sitting in a chair, just out of view from where I'd been standing when I wasn't in these people's house covered in their glass. They ask me what I thought I was doing and I looked at them dead and the eye and I said, "I take window inspection very seriously, and I'm afraid to say that this is not up to code."

And they bought it?

God no. But it kept them from stabbing me.

The cleaner had a knife?

The cleaner wasn't a cleaner. They were a thief who didn't stab me because they were too taken aback by what I'd just said to them that they forgot the knife in their hands and gave me enough time to grab the murder weapon. Caught the killer the next week and that thief the next month. The thief never even told my captain.

That's lucky.

Just about the only luck I had on the force, too other than meeting Rita.

...

...

So are we putting the cards away? 

Yeah I've got 'em. And Vespa?

Yeah?

I like the green.


	3. Peter and Rita

Rita? Can I talk to you for a moment?

Sure!

As I'm sure you are aware it is Juno's birthday tomorrow. I was wondering if we had a plan of action.

Well last year we just went out and watched a movie-

Oh, I know that. I talked to you that night remember?

What?

The flowers? 

That was you?!

I...yes. This isn't relevant.

Mista Steel was so happy when he got 'em! He had them in the office for weeks, and he neva has any plants in their ever believe you me. I tried getting him to let me keep this Venus fly trap, you know the ones from Venus that can take man's head off allegedly, though those cases we never officially proven and-

That was last year. We need something for this year and flowers are in short supply in the vacuum of space.

Rats. And there's not a lot of movie theaters out here either, are there?

I don't think so.

Then we've just gotta brainstorm things that he likes! We'll come up with something that we can manage. Here, I'll get my planning board out from behind...here...

My word that is certainly something.

Isn't it? Mista Steel said not to bring it because it was too big, but I managed to sneak it in with my stuff.

I don't even know how you got that trough the hangar doors...We're getting off topic again.

Right. So we know he likes flowers and movie theaters so we'll put those on the top of the list.

Are you sure you can reach that?

I'll...get it...and...there! Anything else?

Scotch.

Oh, that's a good one. Ooo, and whiskey!

I feel you can just put "liquor" and it'll save us some time.

It's there! Though I don't know how we'll get some.

I feel that's going to be a common theme.

Yeah.

...

...

He likes brooding!

He does...put it on there. I don't know how we'd gift it, but it is very in character.

...

Maybe underline it.

I think you're right. 

...

...

How about turtleneck sweaters? 

Yeah! He's always got one of those on. And there all so dark that it's hard to tell if it's just the same one. I think he does that on purpose.

That definitely tracks. 

And speaking of clothes I think Mista Steel needs a new coat.

Absolutely. That jacket is practically threadbare.

I kept telling to buy a new one but between him working for that evil mayor and going missing and all those evil cyborgs we just haven't had the time.

I...what?

What part?

All? All parts?

We're getting off topic Mista Thief, Mista Steel's birthday is tomorrow!

Right. Do we have anything useful on your impossibly large planning board?

I don't think so, no.

There has to be something we can get for him...

And you're sure we can't get him brooding?

We probably could but not the way you're thinking.

Rats!

Well there's another angle we haven't considered.

Is it going rogue and robbing a liquor store and maybe a cake store on the way there?

No, it's...actually that might work. How far are we from the nearest liquor store?

Hm. Uh, it says on my coms...a really long number.

Then no. Though that does sound fun.

What was your plan?

Juno likes us, right?

I should hope so. it would be weird if he didn't by this point.

Well what if we gave him a movie night? Just the three of us. It wouldn't be the theatre or anything but-

But I think it would work! Mista Steel hates parties anyway. There was this time he was kidnapped to one and he had to foil this crazy lady-

More on that story later. Are we agreed?

Yeah!

Should we prepare in anyway?

I have a plan and I think it just might work!

The look on your face is scaring me, Rita.

Mista Thief, tell me. Have you ever had the honor of creating a Rita-grade pillow fort?

I don't believe I have.

It's going to be tough, I'm not going to lie. Most can barely make make it half way before giving up. Do you think you'll be able to manage?

See I want to say yes but the fire in your eyes and your frankly off putting shaking is telling me I won't be able to.

You don't have a choice, Mista Thief. Mista Steel needs us!

I know.

We're going to need a lot of pillows and permission to take over the hangar. This is going to be my Magnum Opus, Mista Thief, and you are going to help me build it. Hands in the middle.

It's just me and you in here.

I'm doing a thing, put you hand in the middle.

...

Great. For Mista Steel on three, ready?

What is on your hands?

onetwothreeformistasteel!

For...Juno...seriously what was on your hands? I think it touched me.

It's better if you don't know. Now I've got to go through every stream that I saved for the trip and figure out what the best one to watch is.

See you tomorrow then?

2 AM sharp at the hangar, Mista Thief. You better not be late and you'd better have pillows.

I'll be there. And Rita?

Hm?

We're doing that liquor store job at some point.

It's already on my calendar, Mista Thief.


	4. Buddy and Juno

Juno I'm going to start this conversation by telling you, once again, that I am not your therapist.

Right.

You do understand that don't you?

Yup.

Good. Now I understand you've taken my advice about the monologuing?

I was doing it before, but yeah. The tapes feel...right somehow.

I knew they would.

Buddy?

Hm?

Have you ever...you know?

I can assure you I do not know.

Monologued. Into the tapes I mean.

Once or twice. Mostly when I was waiting to Vespa to come back. I helped pass the time and assuage some of the loneliness.

And it helped?

Has it helped you?

I think so. It feels like you've got someone to talk to, you know? Like you're letting someone know that monologue you've been letting rattle around in your head.

Of course the tapes are just a stepping off point.

What?

You need to tell him, Juno.

I know, I do, I just...

It's different.

Exactly! Different.

I'm proud of you, Juno, I really am. You've made great progress with expressing yourself. I know it annoys Jet to know end, and you should probably work on that too, but I am proud of you. You know that, don't you?

Sure. I mean, I guess. There's a difference between knowing and knowing, you know?

I do believe I do. So you're going to tell him then?

I'm getting there.

The sooner the better, Juno, though feel free to take all the time you need.

Bit of a contradiction there.

Is there? I disagree. 

I-

And I'm the captain so what I say goes. Oh, don't make that face at me.

I'm not making a face.

You are, and it's your indignation face. I heard Ransom talking about it when I passed your room a couple nights ago.

You...what?

Don't look so surprised Juno. Walls are thin, and you and Ransom are rather loud, though I did tell you that before. Hm. There it is again.

I'm not-

I've been in your shoes before, Juno. Not yours exactly as we've had different life experiences and I have a far better taste in shoes. It took me a long time to tell Vespa that I loved her. An embarrassingly long time, really, especially with my usual high levels of confidence, but what I'm trying to say is that you should take all the time you need. Love is hard, and I know you and Ransom have had an especially rocky start.

Thanks to me.

And? You've apologized, he's accepted. You needed to grow, Juno. As a person, as someone who could be in a real relationship. You aren't the lady you were when you first met him. You aren't the lady you were when I first met you. I rather like the lady I see before me, and I think Ransom does too.

But you're not my therapist.

There's the Juno Steel snark I've been waiting for. It doesn't hide your blushing, Juno, though you are making a valiant effort. And there's the look again. I think I quite agree with Ransom. It's a marvelous look on you.


End file.
